What musicians need to understand about self-esteem In a 1992 Gallup survey, 89 percent of respondents said that self-esteem is very important in motivating a person to work hard and succeed. Self-esteem was ranked higher as a motivator than any other variable. No wonder musicians with healthy self-esteem seem to be happier, friendlier, kinder, more motivated, and more successful. We all know self-esteem is an important component of being a musician, but what is it exactly? I t's the way we perceive and value ourselves. Self-esteem encompasses our beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and judgments about our own worth. When we have healthy self-esteem, we have a positive, realistic view of ourselves, which directly impacts our mental and emotional well-being. Did you know that self-esteem is built on three pillars: Unconditional Human Worth, Self Love, and Growing? Unconditional Human Worth : implies that you are as precious as any other person. Worth doesn't have to be earned or proved. It already exists. Just recognize, accept, and appreciate it. Self Love : is a feeling we experience, an attitude, a decision, and a skill that is cultivated. Growing : is the active side of love; growing is the calm feeling of being more of what you are at the core. (Glen Schiraldi) This was mind-blowing to me, yet it made so much sense. Your worth is yours. It's always there, Regardless of what your musical accomplishments or failures are, your core worth always has value. I never thought of Love as a skill, but it is, Knowing that growing is a form of self-love, that includes growing personally, mentally, emotionally, physically, and intellectually, was so reassuring to me. What does all this mean? What's my point? No matter what happens, don't allow the current situation to cancel out your musical history. You didn't work as hard and come as far as you have to tell yourself you are not worthy. This is going to sound crazy, but do not tie your core worth to your instrument(s) For the reason that what happened or what's happening doesn't define your self-esteem. You are still growing, You are enough; you are worthy of whatever your vision of being a musician is. “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” ― C.G. Jung It’s important to remember that setbacks and failures are a natural part of our journey. Rather than letting them undermine your self-esteem, view them as opportunities for growth. Learn from your mistakes, adapt, and embrace resilience. Each experience is a stepping stone towards success, and with a healthy understanding of self-esteem, you can bounce back stronger than ever. Candace- The happy Musician Coach Special Offer One time offer, once it's gone, it's gone forever

Why you should learn to look at a situation with an unbiased perspective Now, you might be wondering, what exactly does it mean to practice objectivity as a musician? Well, let me break it down for you. Objectivity, or the ability to step back and evaluate oneself and one's work without bias or emotion, is an essential trait for any musician looking to grow and improve. It is the key to taking constructive criticism, learning from mistakes, and ultimately becoming a better musician. By practicing objectivity, we also open our minds to new experiences and perspectives. We become more receptive to feedback and criticism, understanding that it's not a personal attack, but rather an opportunity for growth. This allows us to continuously learn and adapt, no matter how experienced we become. Ultimately, learning to be objective as a musician is about finding a balance between self-awareness and self-compassion. It's about acknowledging our strengths and weaknesses without judgment and using that knowledge to continuously improve. But being objective doesn't mean abandoning passion or drive. In fact, it is quite the opposite. By practicing objectivity, musicians can channel their energy and focus into productive strategies for improvement. Accepting a struggle or setback as a learning opportunity, rather than a defeat, allows musicians to approach challenges with a renewed sense of purpose and determination. " Wisdom is the God-given ability to see life with rare objectivity and to handle life with rare stability " Elizabeth George Practicing objectivity is crucial for any musician. It allows for personal growth, learning from mistakes, and embracing new experiences. So, next time you find yourself struggling or facing criticism, remember to stop, look, listen, and learn. Embrace objectivity and watch as your musical journey takes on new dimensions of progress and achievement. Candace- The happy Musician Coach Special Offer One time offer, once it's gone, it's gone forever

Coaching Corner Welcome to coaching corner - a space encouraging discussion about the not-so-musical part of being a musician. Let's talk. In our culture, emotions are distrusted. We’ve been taught that emotions indicate a lack of self-control. For musicians, it’s a back-and-forth relationship, but it doesn't always have to be. Think of emotions as an Advanced Warning System or a barometer supplying important data we cannot afford to ignore or suppress. We should learn to take the time and review the data and utilize the information for success. Training yourself to understand the WHY behind emotions is a powerful skill to help communicate well and cultivate beneficial relationships, How do you train yourself to read your emotional barometer? Or how do you train yourself to be emotionally intelligent? Do this Practice flipping sides - Whenever possible put yourself in the other person's shoes. Think critically and honestly about how you would feel in their position and how you would like to be treated. Practice good communication - It's not about communicating clearly, listen to what's not being said ( don't overthink it) just practice being aware. Observe yourself - Do you rush to judgment before you know all of the facts? Do you stereotype? Look honestly at how you think and interact with other people. Do you become upset every time there's a delay or something doesn't happen the way you want? Do you blame others or become angry at them, even when it's not their fault? The ability to stay calm and in control in difficult situations is highly valued. Practice reflecting on negative feelings - why did you feel a certain way and why did you react the way you did? having the ability to reflect and analyze instead of reliving an experience is how you grow. When you do this for yourself, you'll be surprised how well you can do this for others. Practicing emotional awareness is how you can identify and manage your own emotions and react to the emotions of others. As you develop emotional awareness you will find that you will have more energy, be more open, approachable, and become a more resilient musician. So, get practicing! How can practicing emotional awareness benefit you? Candace - Happy Musician Coach scroll down to the comments section to share thehappymusician.com Special Offer

Why musicians should be selective Being a musician is a very unique path to walk. It requires dedication, passion, and a relentless pursuit of one's art. While some may view it as a glamorous lifestyle, (we have our moments) the reality is far from it. Many of us often find ourselves merely surviving, barely making ends meet, and struggling to make our mark. However, I believe there is a key difference between surviving and prospering. It lies in the choices musicians make when it comes to their music experiences. Selectivity is crucial for us who aspire to thrive as artists. With countless gigs, collaborations, and artistic opportunities at our fingertips, it can be tempting to say "yes" to everything that comes our way. This approach often leads to us spreading ourselves too thin, leaving little energy and resources for impactful projects that truly align with our vision. I like to focus on the quality of the music experiences I engage in. It's not about the number of gigs played it's about the value I can extract from each experience. By carefully selecting opportunities that align with our artistic vision and goals, musicians can cultivate a meaningful and fulfilling career. This approach allows us to develop our skills, and establish our unique musical identity. Yes, we can pay our bills doing this. "Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined ." - Johnny Carson When you choose experiences that excite you, you increase your productivity and become more visible as an artist. This leads to more lucrative experiences. because your musical experiences align with the purpose, you will be ready. This becomes a wonderful cycle, your excitement and happiness cultivate a magnetism that will attract the people you want to work with, the money you want to make, and take you to the places you want to go . Artists must be selective with the experiences they choose, ensuring that each opportunity aligns with their artistic goals and contributes to their long-term success. By curating a portfolio of meaningful experiences, can foster personal growth, and carve out their niche in the industry. So, next time an opportunity presents itself, ask yourself: Will this help me thrive as an artist or simply allow me to survive? The answer may be the key to unlocking your path to prosperity in the music world Candace- The happy Musician Coach Special Offer One time offer, once it's gone, it's gone forever

How to be assertive even when you don't feel confident When we think of musicians, we often associate them with talent, creativity, and the ability to express themselves through their music. But behind the scenes, many musicians face a common struggle – assertiveness. It may come as a surprise, but even the most talented musicians can struggle with assertiveness, particularly when it comes to advocating for themselves. But fear not, because assertiveness is a skill that can be learned and developed over time, regardless of how confident you may feel. What Is Assertiveness? Being assertive means having the ability to confidently communicate what you want or need while also respecting the needs of others For musicians, assertiveness starts with knowing your worth. It means recognizing and valuing your unique musical talent and contribution. Whether you are a singer, a guitarist, or a drummer, each musician brings something special to the table. Embracing your individuality and reminding yourself that you have something important to offer can boost your confidence and make it easier to assert yourself. I was not an assertive musician, in fact, it took me getting angry to be assertive. (ugh, so exhausting) I don't recommend it. I did eventually learn to be assertive in a healthy way. "To be passive is to let others decide for you. To be aggressive is to decide for others. To be assertive is to decide for yourself. And to trust that there is enough, that you are enough. Edith Eva Eger So how can musicians be assertive even when they don't feel confident? Firstly, it's important to realize that assertiveness is not about being aggressive or confrontational. It's about advocating for yourself in a clear and respectful manner. Start by setting clear boundaries and expectations for yourself and others. If a venue offers you a gig with unfavorable conditions, politely explain your needs and negotiate for a more equitable arrangement. Remember, you have the right to speak up for yourself and your worth as a musician. I learned to ASK QUESTIONS . It's scary asking questions but nine times out of ten everyone is thinking it, so I swallow my nervousness, and think about the potential consequences of not asking. I ask myself: What is needed? Is this the best course of action? Is this going to get the result I need? I ask others: What is the plan? What is the intended result? Can you help me better understand? I learned to MAKE FRIENDS WITH NO . saying no is like learning music, the more you practice saying no, the easier it gets. One of the biggest factors that led to my burnout was the fear of saying no. It's important to push through that uncomfortable feeling that hits when we should say no. If you can't say no try "let me think about" "I'll get back to you" or "I want to say yes, but I don't think I can" then prepare yourself to say no. I learned to SEE IT THEIR WAY . Important components of assertiveness are empathy and respect for others' opinions. Showing empathy and respect is a great way to be assertive. people feel heard and are more likely to respect your needs and opinions. Assertiveness is the key to standing up for oneself, expressing ideas effectively, and advocating for fair treatment. So, to all you musicians out there, remember that being assertive is not only important for your craft, but also for your journey as an artist. Candace- The happy Musician Coach Special Offer

Coaching Corner Welcome to coaching corner - a space encouraging discussion about the not-so-musical part of being a musician. Let's talk. Your self-worth is too precious and expensive to allow your ups and downs to determine its value. It's not wrong to obtain some of your self-worth from your accomplishments. You spent hours and years mastering your skills. The issue arises when all of your self-worth is measured by your accomplishments and failures. This misplaced self-worth creates a desperation that fuels fears of rejection, poverty, and not being liked. Defining your self-worth solely by your accomplishments is a roller coaster ride, to all your greatest fears. It leads you to make choices that do not align with your purpose. Before you know it, you're burnt out, and wondering how you got where you are and why you're not where you want to be. If you believe you're worthless, then you will cease to add value to yourself. You can't out-practice or out-perform negative self-worth. But, you can change. How do you stop measuring your self-worth by your accomplishments? Do this Redefine your Professional Identity - your goals and dreams you have for yourself. Redefine your Personal Identity - What you think of yourself, what makes you, you. Every time you do a good job, don’t just let it pass; give yourself a compliment. Every time you choose discipline over indulgence, don’t tell yourself that you should have anyway; recognize how much you are helping yourself. What is your definition of success? - not someone else's definition, what is your vision of success for yourself? It took me a long time to understand that I am responsible for my self-worth. Accepting that responsibility is how I was able to define my success, I know you can do the same. Have you measured your value by your music accomplishments? If so how did it affect you? Candace - Happy Musician Coach scroll down to the comments section to share thehappymusician.com Special Offer

Why do musicians fail to lead themselves. Have you ever wondered why so many people feel trapped in their lives, doing work that doesn't fulfill them? The sad truth is that too many individuals are caught in a cycle of following instead of leading. This is especially prevalent in the world of musicians, where countless artists find themselves merely going through the motions to get by. What causes this phenomenon? Why do talented musicians repeatedly find themselves stuck in a rut of conformity? The answer lies in the fear of failure and the desire for acceptance. It is much easier to follow the tried and true path than it is to follow your dreams and forge your own way. Of course, breaking free from the constraints of following is easier said than done. It requires a great deal of self-reflection, introspection, and courage. It means letting go of the need for validation from others and embracing the possibility of failure. But in the end, it is a journey worth taking. So how do you break out of this cycle? How do you escape the trap and start living a life that fulfills you? The first step is to believe in yourself. Recognize that you are talented and deserving of success. Break free from the chains of self-doubt and embrace your unique creative vision. Next, take risks. Embrace failure as a learning opportunity rather than a setback. Understand that without taking risks, you will never truly reach your full potential. Be willing to step outside the safety net and venture into the unknown. It's in these moments of uncertainty that growth and self-discovery happen. “ We are not trapped by our thoughts. What we generally do, however, is create thoughts that trap us. ” Joshua David Stone I believe true fulfillment and success come from following your own dreams and creating something new. It is in the pursuit of your unique vision that you can truly find a rich and meaningful life. Sadly, the fear of standing out, the fear of not being accepted or understood by others, keeps so many of us from reaching our full potential. The path to a rich and fulfilling life lies in following your dreams, not the dreams of others. Embrace your uniqueness and dare to be different, You have the power to break free from the trap of conformity and lead a life that is truly your own. Candace- The happy Musician Coach Special Offer

How musicians can turn pain into gain By examining your disappointments and problems, you can uncover valuable insights about yourself as a musician and as an individual. Ask yourself what went wrong, how did I contribute to the situation, and what can I do differently in the future? Through self-reflection, you can pinpoint areas for growth and continuous improvement, enabling you to reach new heights in your musical journey. In my previous blog, I discussed how your life stance - your overall outlook , commitment to change , and approaching problems with innovation and creativity allow your negative experiences to be an opportunity instead of a hindrance . I continue by discussing how purposeful thinking, personal responsibility, and seeing the value in experiences can empower you. Turning Pain into Gain. Don't just feel your way to positive change ; T hink your way. To ensure we're making good choices, it's crucial to pause, reflect, and think our way through change. By combining your emotions with mindful thinking, you can pave the path toward positive transformation. Thinking through change involves taking a step back and considering the bigger picture. It's an opportunity to analyze the practicality and consequences of your actions. You can weigh the pros and cons, assess potential risks, and evaluate the impact on yourself and others. This reflective thinking helps ensure the choices you make align with your long-term goals and values. “No pain, no palm; no thorns, no throne; no gall, no glory; no cross, no crown.” William Penn There's a difference between blaming yourself and taking responsibility. Acknowledging a part that you had in a situation (intentionally or not) opens your mind to a pathway to overcome. Blame is blinding and energy-sucking. Say to yourself, "This was upsetting; what can I do differently next time to have a positive experience?" Remember, negative experiences have value ; the trick is to see the value sooner than later. When things go wrong, it's easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. We get caught up in the immediate frustration or disappointment, failing to see the potential for growth and change. However, Training yourself to take a step back and reassess the situation can provide you with a fresh perspective. You can choose to view these experiences as learning opportunities rather than setbacks. By reframing your mindset, you can extract lessons from even the most painful experiences while in the midst of dealing with them. Negative experiences have the potential to propel us toward positive change. They serve as wake-up calls, urging us to reevaluate our choices and make necessary adjustments. A setback in our career can inspire us to pursue a new path that aligns more closely with our purpose. Negative experiences can be catalysts for transformation if we allow them to be. Candace- The happy Musician Coach Special Offer

Coaching Corner Welcome to coaching corner - a space encouraging discussion about the not-so-musical part of being a musician. Let's talk. As we learn from our experiences we unconsciously and consciously make rules for ourselves. These are called self- imposed rules. Self-imposed rules aren't all bad, in fact, they are necessary. The issue arises when the rules become a hindrance instead of a benefit. Society has romanticized the notion of the "starving artist," perpetuating the belief that struggling financially is an inevitable part of a musician's journey. Many musicians fall victim to self-imposed rules that dictate they must suffer for their art, sacrificing stability and financial success. This mindset can lead to a lack of business, neglecting opportunities for financial growth, and ultimately stifling your musical progress. I had a humiliating performance experience . After which I made a rule that I will simply not perform until I feel everything is perfect. Guess what? This rule made me miserable, and not only that, I ostracized myself from the music community. Nothing is perfect, therefore I stopped performing. I worked through this and now I get to help musicians do the same. Many aspiring musicians fall into the trap of believing they must master a certain instrument or technique before they can truly achieve musical genius. While investing time in perfecting one's craft is certainly important, overly fixating on technical prowess can limit artistic growth. It's important to remember that great music is not born from flawless execution alone but from the emotional connection created through the raw expression of artistry. Try this Questions your thoughts and actions, and make a serious effort to understand Why you keep doing something . Ask yourself is this truly benefiting me? How? Take conscious steps to break the rule(s) Self-imposed rules usually have the words "must', "have to", and "should", make yourself aware of these words as they will help you recognize negative self-imposed rules. Negative self-imposed rules can be a suffocating weight on our shoulders. However, recognizing and challenging these detrimental beliefs is the first step towards liberating yourself from them. Candace - Happy Musician Coach scroll down to the comments section to share thehappymusician.com

How musicians can turn pain into gain We all have Pain Files- the mental files of the pain we have experienced on our journey. The Pain of Inexperience The Pain of Disappointment The Pain of Conflict The Painf of Financial Loss The Pain of Relationship Loss The Pain of Wasted Time The Pain of Embarrasement The Pain of Rejection Ask yourself, does my pain file make me better or bitter? The answer to that question will help you understand where you currently are as a musician. By examining your disappointments and problems, you can uncover valuable insights about yourself as a musician and as an individual. Ask yourself what went wrong, how you contributed to the situation, and what you can do differently in the future. Through self-reflection, you can pinpoint areas for growth and continuous improvement, enabling you to reach new heights in your musical journey. Turn Pain into gain On my journey to find my purpose, I learned about "life stance" - its ones overall way of looking at things. If you keep up a positive life stance, you utilize negative experiences as opportunities for growth. I personally give my energy and focus to things I can control. I prepare for the worse but expect the best. Even if the worst happens, I find that my life stance allows me to think clearly, stay strong, and keep going. “Every problem introduces a person to himself.” John McDonnell When you’re stuck, it's an opportunity for innovation and creativity . Author Neal Donald Walsh believes creativity begins at the end of your comfort zone. I completely agree ; I believe anger and adrenaline are like rocket fuel when you use them to solve problems. Whenever I'm stuck, I always ask myself "What do I want the end result to be?" and " What do I need the end result to be? " This is how The Happy Musician Coaching was birthed, out of anger and frustration. I literally choose happiness , and so can you. After covid, I vowed to prioritize time with friends and family. (still working on that, but I'm getting better) I keep hearing from them, " You've changed, your views, your attitude ; I love it." That makes me happy because I have changed, I wanted to change, and I committed to change. Committing to change instead after a negative experience is one of the scariest and best things you can do. When the weight of disappointments becomes unbearable, lean on your support system. Surround yourself with loved ones who can offer you a listening ear. This could be fellow musicians, friends, family, or mentors who have experienced similar challenges. Sharing your burdens not only lessens the load but also enables you to gain new perspectives and insights, ultimately helping you move forward with newfound determination . Candace- The happy Musician coach

Coaching Corner Welcome to coaching corner - a space encouraging discussion about the not-so-musical part of being a musician. Let's talk. Hey there musicians time for deep reflection. Reflection. It is a word that holds immense power, allowing us to delve deep into the recesses of our minds and explore our innermost thoughts. For musicians, this process takes on a whole new meaning. It is not just a mere introspection, but a profound exploration of emotions and experiences that shapes our art. I've l isted questions below that I utilize in coaching sessions to help a musician get over roadblocks . Taking time to purposely reflect and ask ourselves questions is where we strengthen our foundation and recalibrate our direction. Every successful musician I have encountered makes time for purposeful reflection. In order to have beneficial reflections you need good questions. So, grab some paper or a tablet, and let's get started. The Questions (my answers are in the comments) What is your biggest asset? What is your biggest liability? What gives you the highest high? What is your best Habit? What is your worst Habit? What is most fulfilling to you? Deep reflection is a fundamental aspect of a musician's journey. By creating a quiet space, and setting aside dedicated time, we can embark on a path of self-discovery that enhances our creative process and elevates our music. I believe in reflection is where we find our true musical essence. Candace - Happy Musician Coach scroll down to the comments section to share thehappymusician.com

Coaching Corner Welcome to coaching corner - a space encouraging discussion about the not-so-musical part of being a musician. Let's talk. Being a Musician is pretty sweet. We get to create something beautiful, put our heart and soul into a piece, and have audiences connect with it – it's truly magical. But at times, no matter how driven and dedicated we are, that feeling of being stuck, unable to move forward and develop can capture us. What causes this feeling of being stuck, and how can musicians break free from it? Musicians may feel stuck due to a lack of inspiration. It's not uncommon for musicians to feel like they've exhausted their own creativity or hit a wall when it comes to finding new sources of inspiration. This can lead to feeling like there's nowhere to go, nothing new to explore, and no way to evolve as a musician. This feeling is also a sign that you may need to check in with your purpose. Are you being true to yourself? A common factor is a fear of failure. For musicians, failure can come in many forms – whether it's a failed performance or album, a negative review, or simply not feeling like you're living up to your own expectations. This fear can be paralyzing and can cause us to hold back from taking risks and trying new things. besides fear, another common obstacle that hinders creative development is self-doubt. It’s easy to second-guess your abilities when you see so many talented musicians out there, doing seemingly amazing things. However, it’s essential to remember that everyone’s journey is unique, and there’s no one correct path to success as a musician. I believe it's essential to take care of your mental and emotional health as an artist. Being a creative individual can be challenging, and sometimes it feels like there’s a lot of pressure to produce something groundbreaking all the time. Acknowledging that you’re not always going to be “on” is crucial, and finding ways to care for yourself and your well-being can help ensure that you have the energy and passion necessary to keep moving forward Lets Talk: Are you feeling stuck? Why do you think you're stuck? What have you done to get Unstuck?? Remember; Seek out and reach out. You don't have to figure everything out all by yourself. When you're stuck having someone around to pull you out makes getting unstuck so much easier. Candace - Happy Musician Coach scroll down to the comments section to share thehappymusician.com