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How to be more Assertive When you Feel Insecure

The Happy Musician Coaching


It's a misconception that being a musician and assertiveness go hand and hand. I Can understand people thinking that surely selecting an instrument that you will play in front of people over and over again, requires a high degree of assertiveness right? No, that's confidence. (and another blog)

What Is Assertiveness? Being assertive means having the ability to confidently communicate what you want or need while also respecting the needs of others

I believe that musicians have different levels of assertiveness that can fluctuate depending on the situation and environment.

I was not an assertive musician, in fact, it took me getting angry to be assertive. (ugh, so exhausting) I don't recommend it. I did eventually learn to be assertive in a healthy way.

I learned to ASK QUESTIONS. It's scary asking questions but nine times out of ten everyone is thinking it, so I swallow my nervousness, and think about the potential consequences of not asking. and just ask.

I ask myself: What is needed? Is this the best course of action? Is this going to get the result I need?

I ask others: What is the plan? What is the intended result? Can you help me better understand?

I learned to MAKE FRIENDS WITH NO. saying no is like learning music, the more you practice saying no the easier it gets. One of the biggest factors that led to my burnout was the fear of saying no. It's important to push through that uncomfortable feeling that hits when we should say no. If you can't say no try "let me think about" "I'll get back to you" or "I want to say yes, but I don't think I can" then prepare yourself to say no.

I learned to SEE IT THEIR WAY. Important components of assertiveness are empathy and respect for others' opinions. Showing empathy and respect is a great way to be assertive. people feel heard and are more likely to respect your needs and opinions.

Assertiveness, like music, requires practice. Practicing assertiveness will make you a happier musician.

"To be passive is to let others decide for you. To be aggressive is to decide for others. To be assertive is to decide for yourself. And to trust that there is enough, that you are enough."

Candace Lark

Musician, Coach, Educator


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