Disappoint People

Simone Biles

On social media, I've been quite vocal about FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and how FOFMO-based decisions are a detriment to musicians and the musical community; I think it's more of an issue among adults than it is among kids. But that's another blog. I want to discuss FOD—Fear of Disappointing—whether it's disappointing teachers, family, managers, or music colleagues. Musicians often find themselves in situations or environments they don't want to be in, or shouldn't be in, simply to avoid disappointment. This brings to mind Simone Biles at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics (held in 2021). Due to "the twisties," she withdrew from the finals. While she may have disappointed many, she also reminded the world of her humanity and encouraged other athletes to prioritize their mental health alongside their physical health. Biles’ difficulties began in the team competition. During an Amanar vault, Biles balked while in mid-air, doing only 1.5 twists instead of the customary 2.5 and nearly falling to the mat on her landing.

Those at the event immediately noticed something didn’t appear to be right: “it looked like she got almost lost in the air” while executing the move. Biles had experienced a similar problem during warmups for the team final. After the snafu, Biles left the competition floor and eventually withdrew from the team finals. Even without Biles, the United States won a silver medal “After the performance I did, I just didn't want to go on," Biles said at the time. "I have to focus on my mental health. I just think mental health is more prevalent in sports right now. We have to protect our minds and our bodies and not just go out and do what the world wants us to do. I don't trust myself as much anymore. Maybe it's getting older. There were a couple of days when everybody tweets you, and you feel the weight of the world. In front of the entire world, she set asside dissapointment and prioritized herself. She returned to the 2024 Olympics, leading the team to Gold. She weighed the cost of disappointing people against a potentialy career or life-ending injury and made the right call. There's a cost when we choose to appease others' potential disappointment over our own needs, desires, and health. Here is the thing: no matter what, you will always disappoint people. You'll disappoint, because you didn't do it their way, or you did it too fast, too slow, or too well, yes to well. The time and energy you spend to offset that disappointment is an investment that yields little to no positive return. The return is exhaustion, burnout, bitterness, poor health, and resentment for missing out on opportunities you really wanted. YOU HAVE TO DISAPPOINT PEOPLE If youve been playing gigs, performances, not getting paid, not asking questions, and overworking and dimming your musical light because you're afraid to disappoint someone else, it's time to stop. WARNING: your mind and nervous system will go nuts at first, and anxiety might increase. It's all temporary, and the more you make decisions prioritizing your music life, the easier it is. Just like music, you have to practice disappointing people, you can't sight-read setting boundaries and changing the need to please. When it's time to focus on yourself, consider these questions: Do I want to be creative or just follow the rules? How much of myself am I sacrificing? Will I end up emotionally, financially, or artistically lacking? Am I taking action or refraining from it because I genuinely want to, or just to avoid upsetting someone? We play music because it brings us happiness; what's the purpose if it makes you unhappy? I urge you to reflect on why it's crucial not to let others down, especially if it comes at your own expense. If this resonates with you, save it and share it. If you need a little more, check out the upcoming workshop, SCRIPTS - what to say in the thick of it. Wed Feb18th,2026 7 pm